Gratitude is fuel for empathy. Fuel for joy. Fuel for life. It’s also a practice. I’ve been practicing gratitude for the past 5 years, recalling 5 things for which I’m grateful before I drift off to sleep. When I began it was sometimes hard to find 5 things. But as I practiced I became more and more aware of how much support there is around me, how much there is to be grateful for in my life. Sometimes as I drift off to sleep tears loaded with appreciation roll down my face.
If you have any trouble finding what you’re grateful for, take a look around you. Do you live in a safe place? Do you live in a warm place? Are you able to move around as you’d like? Are you breathing? Is there one person you can call a friend? Do you have enough food to eat, clothes to protect your body? Are your eyes allowing you to read this? Just think of your fingers, if they’re healthy. How much do they allow you to do? What about your heart, which pumps and pumps until our death?
Brene Brown, a researcher who looks at shame and perfection says that she has had an attitude of gratitude for a long time but that “having an attitude” didn’t always translate to behavior. The people she researched – who she considered living in a wholehearted way – regularly did some kind of practice: daily gratitude meditations or prayers, journaling, creating gratitude art and “even stopping during their stressful, busy days to say these words out loud, ‘I am grateful for…’ It seems that gratitude without practice may be a little like faith without works – it’s not alive.”
I also learned another way to practice gratitude that I’ve enjoyed, both as a way to take in all that’s working and to learn and be inspired by others. Through the Zenvc 3 month program I committed to listing 10 items each day and writing the needs that were met next to the item. This is a powerful way to link gratitude to needs and is a way to “connect” with your needs regularly. I highly recommend it and if you’d like to give it a try here are the steps. You can do this with a buddy or a group of people, emailing your lists daily/weekly – on whatever frequency seems realistic to you.
A suggestion for practicing gratitude
Make a list every day or periodically to fuel yourself and notice which needs are met.
Here’s a sample list. Notice how specific the observation is. I say what was done or said, not “Sue was kind to me.” What did Sue say or do?
- Having breakfast at Whole Foods this morning – ease, nurturance, community
- A phone call with A to talk about workshops – support, collaboration, fun, creativity
- P joining me at school yesterday with the kindergartners – sharing, to be seen, inclusion
- Doing the curriculum piece on generosity yesterday and giving each class a rain stick as part of my practice of generosity – generosity, integrity, sharing, kindness, joy
- Hearing one teacher tell me, “This was a really great lesson today,” and seeing her smile – contribution, joy, collaboration, support, meaning, hope, connection
- A second teacher pointing out a board she made to share with parents that included her student’s drawings about mindfulness – creativity, support, collaboration, meaning, inspiration
- Reading through some of the kid’s journals on mindfulness – understanding, inspiration, creativity, contribution, hope
- A 4th grade teacher requesting me to work with two of her classes – contribution, meaning, collaboration, fun
- P pointing out the flowers, leaves on trees on a walk – sharing, presence, beauty, growth
- My brother’s call last night – connection, joy, love, support
Sit with your list. Look at the needs. Feel how it is to connect to these needs. Take a deep breath and on the exhale, breathing out the joy, expansiveness and satisfaction you may feel. Give yourself an extra minute or two to savor these needs.
Send off your list if you’re sharing it with others! What kind of gratitude practice do you do? Have you noticed a difference after practicing? I’d love to hear – post your comments below and happy practicing!